The crux of excluding thoughtfully and intentionally is mustering the courage to keep away your Bobs. They sometimes bring extra effort or an extra bottle of wine. Bob is perfectly pleasant and doesn’t actively sabotage your gathering. But what’s wrong with someone who’s irrelevant to the purpose? What’s wrong with inviting Bob? Every gathering has its Bobs. Someone threatens a gathering’s purpose? You can see why to keep him out. It is the third question where purpose begins to be tested. But the hosts still know deep down who shouldn’t be there.) Politeness and habit often defeat the facilitator. (That doesn’t mean they always end up being excluded. And, though this one is harder, people who manifestly threaten the purpose are easy to justify excluding. Obviously people who fit and fulfill your gathering’s purpose need to be there. When my clients answer the first two questions, they begin to grasp their gathering’s true purpose. Who, despite being irrelevant to the purpose, do you feel obliged to Who not only fits but also helps fulfill the gathering’s purpose? These are some of the questions I ask them: “So how, you might ask, do I exclude generously? This issue comes up a lot when I’m organizing large, complicated meetings for clients.
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